Oh finally after a long busy week here it is : -) !
Today let’s talk business – Addictions. According to scientific studies, millions of people are addicted to something. Either it’s drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, food, internet or mobile phones. Some of us have addictive personality, some not. Take me as an example 😉 All my life I was swapping one addiction for another. Sometimes it was love, other times alcohol or internet. And in the background for the last 12 years, it was cigarettes. And I’ve ALWAYS had an excuse, ready to fire up to whoever would try to question my choices, or to change my mind up. Most of the time, I was excusing MYSELF from why I can’t quit smoking (I’ll put on weight), internet ( how will I know what my ex is doing) , Candy Crush (….) and alcohol (it’s the last pleasure next too food, that I have left in this empty life of mine)…
Until finally one day, around 6 weeks ago, I decided to quit most of my bad habits at once, and cut down on what’s left.
I could never imagine living a day without my cell phone before. And I was just about to buy a new one, but decided to wait til next month. My Birthday is coming soon and I’m allowing myself to buy something nice and stop being stingy. Anyhow, Next minute… my current phone broke down. On a Friday night… I wasn’t happy about it but I wasn’t panicking either, as I probably would 6 months ago…. It’s now Friday again and I’m still without that phone and I’m totally fine. The one I’m using as a replacement is not updated, therefore I can’t use it as efficiently, in addition I don’t have any recent phone numbers, but at least people can contact me. I could go without a phone much longer but I thought to myself: what if the love of my life is trying to call me and I’m out of reach??????! Still waiting for that to happen…
So, how is my change going? It’s hard. First enthusiasm has faded a bit, vicious menstrual hormones are kicking in demanding KFC, bottle of whiskey and a companion to do some fun stuff together after dark… However tempting, I know that if I cave in now, I will never achieve my goals and will forever be miserable and disappointed with myself. I’ve been doing that for two years, and where did it get me? To the land where no one is ever happy, only numb with pain and with a fake smile number five on their face. And although on the surface it seems that I was rewarding myself after a long, hard day, deep down I knew I was only pushing my real happiness further away from me.
I started thinking of addictions as friends of mine just then. And why did I even thought of that in the first place?
I realized, that, I now have new addictions and habits. Not all off them 100% good but much better than before. I still love tv, although now I mostly watch health and weight documentaries and how to live happily ever after. I want to read more, and exercise daily but that’s a long process and I’m taking baby steps. The plan is long term, so I’m trying not to overwhelm myself. I juice a lot, can’t fit my shopping in the fridge. I smile and I go to the movies, massage or for a steak special whenever I feel like it and not asking anyone to join me. because I can. And it’s fun. I’m finally happy to be on my own so why should I hide it behind close doors. ( All these happy couples are probably arguing constantly out there anyway 😉 )
Nonetheless, it’s a long and bumpy ride. After all, getting rid of bad habits that make us feel great is difficult, but I’m finally managing my needs and desires without feeling like I’m punishing myself. I’m going into week 7 of my new lifestyle, and even though it’s tough and lonely sometimes, I’m nowhere near giving up. And I’m doing it SOBER!! 😉