I have never given much thought to how does it feel to be unhappy. Since being a little blondie cherub, my life was a bliss. I wasn’t getting too spoilt, there was not much Mum could spoil us with in the 1980’s and going into 90’s. But spoilt enough to feel loved, satisfied and very happy. Regardless of my parents working very hard and often being away, to make our life better than the day/month/year before. And so we can go on holiday every year.
(We were getting exactly that. I think this is why I am not writing a travelling blog. Because I’ve travelled around Europe so much when I was younger, that my only dream for the future was to settle down somewhere nice, have a family, and live happily ever after. I actually hated Venice for years to come, after visiting it 5 times as a kid 🙂 ).
I was living that dream through all my teenage years, had great friends, amazing career in making, and a long term relationship, reportedly successful (2 yrs engaged), until one day I woke up and it clicked. It wasn’t what I wanted anymore. Emphasis on I. And truthfully, it wasn’t what I wanted for a long time. I just didn’t have enough self confidence, strength, courage or vodka to admit it to myself, not to mention to my fiance at the time. I wasn’t unhappy though, I was…. bored. My first New Year’s Eve weekend away on my own, with close friends, was the best party I’ve ever had. Dancing all night like there’s no tomorrow, watching and shooting fireworks, wearing only a sleeveless dress, although it was -10° C and snowing. Because finally I didn’t have to worry about anyone but me. And because I was drunk. I was living the dream again, and it went on in Australia. Single, fabulous and invincible… until 2013.
In 2012, I’ve met what I thought was, the love of my life. I still smile thinking about it, but now I know it was only a sample of what love can be! ❤ Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine, that it’s going to take me this long to get over someone. And that the upcoming pain will be so overwhelming, it’s almost physical. Nor I ever imagined it was possible to cry with no tears or without making a sound. I thought I knew everything and anything I needed to know about relationships, and about how to make others happy.
When you feel like you’re on top of the world, thinking your life cannot possibly get any better, think again.
Is there something like ” loving someone too much”. ? I don’t believe so.
Some would say – poor choices… too much drama… too little trust. I would say: It’s loving the wrong someone. Love yourself first. It’s not as easy as it sounds, but for the first time in 2 years, I finally fully understand why what has happened to me, happened at all.
Love ❤ Gacia