It is now 2015 and the world is our oyster. We have technology we would have not even dreamt of 30 years ago, advanced science projects, astronauts landing on the Moon and Mars. Yet we still can’t figure out what we want and what’s good for us. Technically we do. But choosing otherwise because we don’t like changes, we’ve got no one to encourage us, or we’re just too busy waiting for a better moment, better times. We don’t always enjoy what we’re given. We want more, or we want something different. Or something that Joe or Susie has.

And then there is that migration situation I’ve written about in my earlier post. There’s not a country in the world, where its citizens don’t complain about politics, weather, media etc…. Europeans want to live in the US or Australia, Australians want to live in England or Canada, only Americans don’t really want to move anywhere. Unless it’s interstate. Why is the grass always greener? Why can’t we just hydrate and water it regularly, so no one is envious of the neighbours’ loan.

I myself, spent endless time playing a waiting game. Because NOW and HERE was never good enough. I am lazy, I admit. But the choices I that I’ve made it my past led me to this moment. I can now say that I am content. I wasn’t before, and I’ve only learned that word two months ago anyway, from a mate who’s a perfect example of a content person. As long as he’s happy with himself, nothing else matters. Talking to him made me realize, that the past is shaping us in the way we are meant to be. Regardless of how tough, ruthless or unfair you think it was. It made you who you are. And people who surround you do too. My flatmates are another very good influence to my well being. Different age, different gender, but similar views. One works away, but is the happiest girl I’ve met in a long time. And she talks about being happy all the time. At first I was a bit suspicious if she’s not just constantly high but no 🙂 She’s just happy. Drama queens, gossip goats and so on… they are all around us but we shouldn’t follow them. The other flatmate may not be as happy all the time , but he’s a lot like me when it comes to expressing opinions and being assertive, so we get along very well. We got drunk together and my previous flatmate on the day he was just viewing the room, so he had to sleep on the couch. 🙂

I am quite difficult when it comes to friendship. I have a lot of colleagues here, but most of my good friends has left Australia or stayed back home. Best friend lives in Dublin. I hate the distance between me and my family, and friends. But despite all that, I actually feel so much closer to them. I share with my life and emotions a lot more.

Staying in touch is hard when time difference is 7-8 hours but it’s possible. There’s a few friends, that I don’t talk to very often, but I know it won’t change our bond. And I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault. Contact requires effort, and our lives get busier and crazier every day. Those friends will still be one of the first people I will go to see when I’m back next year. And compare how green is the grass where they live.

The grass on my invisible loan is neon green, open 24/7. And everyone is invited. There’s no ” do not walk ” sign on it 🙂

Love ❤ Gacia

Oh finally after a long busy week here it is : -) !

Today let’s talk business – Addictions. According to scientific studies, millions of people are addicted to something. Either it’s drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, food, internet or mobile phones. Some of us have addictive personality, some not. Take me as an example 😉 All my life I was swapping one addiction for another. Sometimes it was love, other times alcohol or internet. And in the background for the last 12 years, it was cigarettes. And I’ve ALWAYS had an excuse, ready to fire up to whoever would try to question my choices, or to change my mind up. Most of the time, I was excusing MYSELF from why I can’t quit smoking (I’ll put on weight), internet ( how will I know what my ex is doing) , Candy Crush (….) and alcohol (it’s the last pleasure next too food, that I have left in this empty life of mine)…

Until finally one day, around 6 weeks ago,  I decided to quit most of my bad habits at once, and cut down on what’s left.

I could never imagine living a day without my cell phone before. And I was just about to buy a new one, but decided to wait til next month. My Birthday is coming soon and I’m allowing myself to buy something nice and stop being stingy. Anyhow, Next minute… my current phone broke down. On a Friday night… I wasn’t happy about it but I wasn’t panicking either, as I probably would 6 months ago…. It’s now Friday again and I’m still without that phone and I’m totally fine. The one I’m using as a replacement is not updated, therefore I can’t use it as efficiently, in addition I don’t have any recent phone numbers,  but at least people can contact me. I could go without a phone much longer but I thought to myself: what if the love of my life is trying to call me and I’m out of reach??????! Still waiting for that to happen…

So, how is my change going? It’s hard. First enthusiasm has faded a bit, vicious menstrual hormones are kicking in demanding KFC, bottle of whiskey and a companion to do some fun stuff together after dark… However tempting, I know that if I cave in now, I will never achieve my goals and will forever be miserable and disappointed with myself. I’ve been doing that for two years, and where did it get me? To the land where no one is ever happy, only numb with pain and with a fake smile number five on their face. And although on the surface it seems that I was rewarding myself after a long, hard day, deep down I knew I was only pushing my real happiness further away from me.

I started thinking of addictions as friends of mine just then. And why did I even thought of that in the first place?

I realized, that, I now have new addictions and habits. Not all off them 100% good but much better than before. I still love tv, although now I mostly watch health and weight documentaries and how to live happily ever after. I want to read more, and exercise daily but that’s a long process and I’m taking baby steps. The plan is long term, so I’m trying not to overwhelm myself. I juice a lot, can’t fit my shopping in the fridge. I smile and I go to the movies, massage or for a steak special whenever I feel like it and not asking anyone to join me. because I can. And it’s fun. I’m finally happy to be on my own so why should I hide it behind close doors. ( All these happy couples are probably arguing constantly out there anyway 😉 )

Nonetheless, it’s a long and bumpy ride. After all, getting rid of bad habits that make us feel great is difficult, but I’m finally managing my needs and desires without feeling like I’m punishing myself. I’m going into week 7 of my new lifestyle, and even though it’s tough and lonely sometimes, I’m nowhere near giving up. And I’m doing it SOBER!! 😉

People can try convince me all they want, that there is only one place, and one soulmate for each of us. Our destiny, waiting for us just around the corner. Why not two, three or 5? (Threesomes are proven to give so much joy! ) If it’s true, why people migrate so much, seeking bigger and better future… I’m not saying we shouldn’t stay and live where we were born, but what if some of us were born to move away, and spread the word about how great is the place we came from? I wonder how many of my friends from back home is living abroad or overseas at the moment. One day I’ll sit down and check. Off the top of my head I can at least count 20. ( I hope you’re reading this! )

In my early childhood and pre-teen years , I didn’t think twice about where this life is going to take me. All I wanted to do was to have fun, explore caves, climb trees and watch magnificent nature in its glory – plants, insects, wild animals, birds or pets, living their life. And attempt to play with them. Sometimes, bringing them home injured, Sometimes accidentally killing them. Oh nahhh wait, that was my sister. All I cared about was Matchbox, My little Pony and then Spice Girls. Anyhow.

I recall High school as a really long and sometimes sunny corridor. Which was actually a maze, that I couldn’t get out of. A struggle. I felt like a character from a greek tragicomedy. Happy outside, but dying on the inside. Not literally of course. I was dying to stop being pressured to learn things I didn’t want or needed. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t sure what I want to do with myself, or where to go. I just wanted to get out of there!

If you asked me today: Where do you see yourself 5 years ago? I’d probably say: I’m living in a house with 2 kids, an estranged husband and his parents. Most likely working as a travel consultant. And I have 3 lovers, each in different country 😉 That’s if I stayed where I was. Though I always had a feeling, that I’ll end up somewhere weird. My love for tourism and foreign languages seemed enough to feel obliged to conquer the world. Especially, when everyone around me started getting married and having kids. And who knows me well, knows that I’m not a fan of kids. Unless they’re mine. But… I don’t have any :-D.

And then opportunity came so I left. I miss home terribly at the moment but having Skype makes everything easier and worth the hassle.

My idea of how to be happier and healthier only shaped around a month ago. Before I start talking about my journey, I admit, I could go on on on about how miserable and how challenging the last two years has been. Drama sells better. But it was my fault that I gave in to that negative mind set and damaging lifestyle. I could also go on and on about how I’m still not certain where I’ll end up permanently. I do know where I want to be, however it’s 60% up to me, 20% up to immigration, 10% up to faith and 10% up to luck 😉 The idea is simple: Eat well, think positive and surround yourself with happy people. And remember. It’s important to know where you’re going, and that you ARE going alone. Even if you’re not.

So here I am. Living upside down, away from my Family and Friends but happier and healthier than ever before. And it’s only the beginning….

Love ❤ Gacia

#polishbeetrootau

I have never given much thought to how does it feel to be unhappy. Since being a little blondie cherub, my life was a bliss. I wasn’t getting too spoilt, there was not much Mum could spoil us with in the 1980’s and going into 90’s. But spoilt enough to feel loved, satisfied and very happy. Regardless of my parents working very hard and often being away, to make our life better than the day/month/year before. And so we can go on holiday every year.

(We were getting exactly that. I think this is why I am not writing a travelling blog. Because I’ve travelled around Europe so much when I was younger, that my only dream for the future was to settle down somewhere nice, have a family, and live happily ever after. I actually hated Venice for years to come, after visiting it 5 times as a kid 🙂 ).

I was living that dream through all my teenage years, had great friends, amazing career in making, and a long term relationship, reportedly successful (2 yrs engaged), until one day I woke up and it clicked. It wasn’t what I wanted anymore. Emphasis on I. And truthfully, it wasn’t what I wanted for a long time. I just didn’t have enough self confidence, strength, courage or vodka to admit it to myself, not to mention to my fiance at the time. I wasn’t unhappy though, I was…. bored. My first New Year’s Eve weekend away on my own, with close friends, was the best party I’ve ever had. Dancing all night like there’s no tomorrow, watching and shooting fireworks, wearing only a sleeveless dress, although it was -10° C and snowing. Because finally I didn’t have to worry about anyone but me. And because I was drunk. I was living the dream again, and it went on in Australia. Single, fabulous and invincible… until  2013.

In 2012, I’ve met what I thought was, the love of my life. I still smile thinking about it, but now I know it was only a sample of what love can be! ❤ Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine, that it’s going to take me this long to get over someone. And that the upcoming pain will be so overwhelming, it’s almost physical. Nor I ever imagined it was possible to cry with no tears or without making a sound. I thought I knew everything and anything I needed to know about relationships, and about how to make others happy.

When you feel like you’re on top of the world, thinking your life cannot possibly get any better, think again.

Is there something like ” loving someone too much”. ? I don’t believe so.

Some would say – poor choices… too much drama… too little trust. I would say: It’s loving the wrong someone. Love yourself first. It’s not as easy as it sounds, but for the first time in 2 years, I finally fully understand why what has happened to me, happened at all.

Love ❤ Gacia

     Marty the Zebra: I’m ten years old. My life is half over and I don’t even know if I’m black with white stripes or white with black stripes!  

     Not a day goes by that I don’t smile when reminiscing all the shenanigans and  weird ideas of some of my special friends. I was considered shy and quiet by most  of my friends, very responsible by day and helpful by night.  Drinking games, or  falling asleep before the party even started? – No Way!! “Touring” around  Northbridge in a paddy wagon, or calling up a mate so they google map you to the  nearest bus stop? – Never!! Perth is a fast changing city, hence keeping up with new  street directories IS a mission! And all that while using the wrong side of the road in a first place! Shocking.

 There was only two places in the city that mattered anyway. I won’t use their names, not because they were somehow embarrassing. I like a bit of mystery.  Besides, if you were there with me, you will know exactly what I’m talking about. And if you weren’t, well – keep on reading, maybe your nationality is amongst the greatest below.

Most of my first friends here, ( apart from the few lovely poles I’ve harassed on nasza-klasa before coming to Perth) were Scottish. To this day I can’t understand them 90% of the time.Being called a” highly intelligent, but lazy” student as a child, it took me by surprise that I actually enjoyed all these new courses and situations I’m experiencing. I remember learning a lot of new sayings in different languages or becoming acquainted with Aussie slang. One day in Fremantle I overheard a public conversation/argument, where a guy kept yelling at his female companion. ” You can’t do this, you can’t do that” I later found out he was actually calling her a cunt. ( tłum.pol. – niecenzuralne słowo; patrz: google).

It was Japanese that became one of my favorites. “konichiwa”,”tata ma yaya” ,”kanako yako tako.” and many more. I wish I could remember what those mean 🙂 My guess is: Hello, You’re not from Madagascar, but I will go home with you anyway.

Having made friendships with people from around the world, you quickly learn 3 things :

1. who to keep close: friends

2. who to keep closer: enemies

3. who to avoid at all cost: Polish, Czech, German, Swiss German, Italian, Swiss Italian, French, Swiss French, Hungarian, Slovak, Hungarian sausage, Scottish, Irish, English, Norwegian, Canadian, Russian, Japanese, Indonesian, Mauritian, Brazilian, Taiwanese, Malaysian, Australian, Colombian, Madagascarian… In no particular  order. ( sorry if I missed anyone).

At the time it did not occur to me, that maybe it’s not them, but me.  It’s nice to finally sit down, open your eyes, and see how flawed your own ass really was. Comfortable – yes, perfect – no. But happy to say that my ass is now perfect.

End of story… 😉

Love ❤ Gacia

Alex the Lion: 27, 28, 29, 30. Hmm, 30 black and only 29 white, looks like you’re black with white stripes after all. Dilemma solved. Good night!

I can’t believe it’s been that long since I’ve arrived here, on a 6 months visa, looking for some fun and maybe an idea for the future. And when it was the time to leave, I called my mum and asked how much loose change they have, because I refuse to go home. Little did I know that I will be staying for another 5 years

6 years full of adventures, dancing, drinking, laughter, ups and downs, tears of joy, tears of heartache… After all that, and 4 different certificates and diplomas later, let me tell you: Nothing worth fighting for comes easy. Motivation helps, but won’t be enough. Support system is essential. Yourself – self confidence, family and friends.

If I had breakdowns, or wanted to pack and piss off home, it was not because I was missing home or I couldn’t cope with my workload and sudden lifestyle change.

In fact, first year and a half I’ve spent partying, socializing, living with $7 left on my account and still being the happiest chick on the planet. But then I had to move on and move out from my uncle’s safe haven; all inclusive with food and rent. It hurt for a while, but oh dear, I finally realized what struggle is. Budgeting, planning ahead and self control. Things like thinking twice before taking a taxi from CBD to Joondalup or talking to randoms on the street. Let me just say – Nor it’s cheap or safe.

Surprisingly I had a lot more money after moving out and starting sharing a house with a friend. Long story short I had some money saved up for emergencies and extra occasions and few hundreds for rent and bills; whereas and the rest would evaporate in smokes or got drowned in booze. Happy vibe happy life. Carefree. Not a worry in the world. Oh, apart from attendance at school, maybe. Sorry Mum! ( Never a keen student )….. 😉

to be continued….

Love ❤ Gacia